You got some African shit right here. Some African shit right here.
-Vinny
She’s Latina?
Yeah From the Philippines.
-Edgar, Stuart
So I said if you like mold and no heat, you fucking live there!
-Vinny
Shut the fuck up, Edgar
-Stuart
Could you hold off on rolling a joint for five minutes while we discuss this?
No.
-Edgar, Vinny
Okay, I’m clean now, Edgar, I can give you that hug!
Oh! I didn’t think you were unclean before.
-Asuncion, Edgar
I actually wrote a blog post about some things I’ve witnessed in your neck of the woods, Cambodia. Do you mind if I share it with you?
I’m from the Philippines.
Let me get it.
-Edgar, Asuncion
I think of it like a pop song, you know? In a pop song, it’s only the good stuff. In a long boring song, like Beethoven or something, there’s only a few good parts, and the songs are like ten minutes long. But in a pop song, it’s like they took out the best three minutes of the Beethoven and put it into one song. And that’s how I think of America, you know? It’s like they took the things from the rest of the world and made a pop song nation.
-Asuncion
I want you to never stop doing that dance, ever.
-Vinny
Chopped liver on a chocolate chip bagel. So what?
Asuncion. that’s disgusting!
-Asuncion, Edgar
I haven’t asked her about any sexual experiences yet, it feels gauche at this point, but I’m working up to it, developing a trust.
-Edgar
Oh, sorry, Edgar - we’re going to be swallowing tabs of LSD acid. That is if Vinny agrees not to try on every one of my skirts again.
I agree, senorita.
-Asuncion, Vinny
I don’t have a fear of mice.
That’s awesome.
-Asuncion, Vinny
And you and my wife will go shopping at Macy’s and we’ll all eat dinner and shower together and it will be great and we’ll be best friends!
-Edgar
Why would you think she’s a hooker?
Or a mail-order bride or something. So what are you?
-Stuart, Edgar
I’ve given up marijuana. It was a crutch. And it coats the lungs with cancer. Everything gives you cancer. What a fucking nightmare. I’m going to start taking better care of myself. Maybe buy us a new bike. Are you alright? Have I done something to upset you?
-Vinny